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Grief is a curveball no one is ever prepared to catch. Loss at any week of pregnancy cannot be trivialized. Parents mourn the loss of a family member who was to join them. What joys and challenges were ahead? This is part 2 of a 2-part plan that will help us know that God is right there with us as we navigate grief over our children who have gone back to heaven, and trust Him to deliver us to a hopeful end. He restores what was lost.

Day 1 – Hope as an anchor

That early cold July morning in Kenya, when I was wheeled back to my private ward, hope visited me in two simple ways. First, a nurse aide walked into my room. She wanted to help me shower. I refused. I felt I did not need her help; I would do it myself. As soon as I stood up, my head spun, and I collapsed into her arms. I had lost so much blood. I clearly needed help. She caught me in time, with a big smile on her face. With my many visits to this hospital, I knew most of them by name. She was new and, as per their custom, did not have a nametag. As she washed me, she told me that it was important to give thanks to God in all circumstances. She also told me that God had helped me witness that my womb was functional and able to carry babies. She concluded by assuring me that God would give me other children. Her words shifted my perspective for a moment, and they remained etched in my memory forever. They gave me a little ray of sunshine on that dark dawn. In my subsequent visits to that hospital, I kept looking for her to thank her. I never found her. Was she an angel?

Secondly, as I lay on the hospital bed fresh and clean, God, in His quiet nature, brought to my remembrance the words of Job 2:10, reminding me to accept both the good and the bad because He had a purpose for everything He allowed. I had a lot to be grateful for, and so do you. I slept soundly for the first time in several weeks. Look around you. What are the things or people God is using to encourage you in your dark season of grief? Having ended prematurely, the pregnancy journey terminated at an undesired end, leaving you and me broken, almost in despair, but God can still be trusted. Jesus is our hope. Hope is a sure anchor for our souls.

Scripture Readings

Job 2:9-10

Hebrews 6:19-20

Day 2 – Promise to hold to

As I read through the Bible during that period of loss, the words of Isaiah 65:20-24 stood out to me. I felt this was the promise God was giving my husband and me to hold on to. I memorized the verses. I prayed them back to God over and over again. I still do. I encourage you to read the whole chapter for context. Our God is a faithful Father. Our victory is already complete in Christ. Ours is to claim and cling to the promises He has given us. What promises has God given you? Seek Him and search His word to find out. A friend of mine who also lost a couple of pregnancies told me hers was Exodus 23:26. When she found it, she held on to these words of encouragement from the Lord, who can be trusted to keep His word. He has exalted His word above His name.

Scripture Readings

Isaiah 65:20-24

Exodus 23:26

2 Corinthians 1:20

Day 3 – Try Again

When I was home on maternity leave, a gynecologist friend of the family visited us. She is a follower of Christ. She did a fantastic job of educating us on miscarriage and the fertility treatment I had been on. She concluded by asking us to try to conceive again because the treatment was still ‘at work’ in my body. Though fearful, this medical advice and the hope I had gained earlier persuaded us to try again. Voila! I conceived four months after the loss.

At 37 weeks, I went into labor and then delivered a healthy baby. God had visited us and began a work of restoration. I encourage you to try again. One of the products of grief is fear. What if I fail again? What if I lose again? Fear is not from God. Failing to try is worse than trying and failing. Partner with the Lord and a God-conscious doctor on your medical journey. They say once beaten twice shy, but we should not allow fear to make us mistrust God and His ability to protect life. He is the giver of life. Though of a different nature, the story in the book of Joshua about conquering the city of Ai always encourages me to attempt again where there was a previous defeat. God guaranteed Joshua victory this time around.

Scripture Readings

Joshua 8:1 

Psalm 40:3-5

Day 4 – The Real Enemy

When our daughter was about 17 months old, I conceived again. The speed of conception was unbelievable. As if that was not surprising enough, I discovered I was carrying twins again the day I went in for my first scan. We were shocked. Does God literally restore like for like? Mixed emotions filled our hearts. What if they died like the first ones? We were extremely anxious but chose to instead see the other side:  What if they survived? What joy would that be? This pregnancy was very difficult. We prayed, albeit with little understanding. I experienced many nightmares in that season. Little did I know that they were warning dreams.

Again, like for my first twins, labor checked in prematurely at week 26. I was put on complete bed rest. It was as if a dark cloud lingered around us. I played a lot of gospel music for the twins. They would kick and turn in my tummy. When my waters finally broke at week 30, I had to be rushed in for an emergency Caesarean section. Remember the gynae who encouraged us to try again? She was available to deliver the twins. The delivery was difficult and complex. She and I sang praise hymns throughout the operation.

I started singing because I had gotten a heightened session in my spirit that I was in a battle zone a second time. This time around, God helped me to understand that He was not the enemy I was fighting. The devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy, but Jesus came that we may have life and that abundantly. You see, godly offspring advance godly agendas, which is not the will of the devil. I came to realize that life is first spiritual, then physical. I encourage you not to be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. There is a lot that goes on in the spiritual realm concerning our purposes and those of our children. Be aligned with God. Know what He has promised and firmly stand on His truth that is revealed to you. Pray without ceasing over yourself and your unborn child.

Scripture Readings

John 10:10

2 Chronicles 20:22

1 Peter 5:8

Psalm 125:2

Day 5 – Restoration and purpose in grief

The twins were successfully born. They stayed in Neonatal Intensive Care for about 6 weeks. God restored beyond our imagination. By this multiple birth, He restored the years I thought I had lost in my fertility treatment. He is faithful to keep every promise in His word. Their caregiving was not easy. Here, the fear of death was palpable. We had to maintain very high standards of sterility at home because their immunity was very low, having been born prematurely. We literally lived one day at a time. There were a few scares. We kept running back to God and His promise to us in Isaiah 65.

I now look back over the years and see how what looked like discouragement and disappointment for me at the beginning was all in the process of what God was fashioning me to be, purposes He had for me even before I was born. Our little story, marked by many miracles, has encouraged many couples in waiting to trust God for their own. My husband and I are always drawn to a house of mourning to give others the comfort we ourselves received. Dear Mum and Dad, there is a purpose tied to your pain and loss. No experience is wasted in the sight of our sovereign God. Trust Him to direct you and show you why He had to take you down some difficult paths. It was all in the process of becoming. Our scars are marks of victory to help lift others. The pieces of the puzzle soon begin to fit in, and you can then look back like Joseph and say that what was meant for evil God turned around for your good.

Scripture Readings

Joel 2:25

2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Genesis 50:20